20 Minute Bursts
Everything is done in 20 minute bursts, even this post will be written in stages as there is no way I have the opportunity to write this in one sitting. I will, undoubtedly be summoned, alerted or notified in someway to tend to one if not both children. This article will refer to some of the day to day activities that have been warped by young family life.
Cooking: There was a time where cooking was an enjoyable task and eating was unbound by time constraints. Today cooking is a fragmented, hurried task made worse by the knowing that the food, although delicious, will be eaten with forceful haste second only to a foie gras goose. One pot recipes now rule the roost taking precedent over complex gastronomic courses. Variety has been superseded by a set list of known, quick, crowd pleasing dishes. On occasion we may try something new but instantly regret using the brain power to fathom the processes.
Eating Out: A couple dining out together pre-children is likely filled with conversation or silence as they individually update statuses exclaiming how brilliant a time they are having. They need not ever stand up unless they choose to do so. Include kids in this scenario and you will stand up to stop one mobile child from being mobile, or to sooth another immobile child from whatever the hell is up with him or her. In reality the couple will eat in stages, like a submariner hot bedding. One will eat, then the next will eat in a relay against the clock.
Television: No time to sit at length and binge watch box sets, parents cannot binge anything unless binge caring is a thing, which it's not. In between children's programming and bizarre YouTube videos that sing about 'daddies finger' I find myself stood up, immobile child in arms, swaying watching a film in stages with the subtitles on at 4am. 5 or 6 stages for a film generally, this is my down time and it is precious to me.
DIY: My other half tells me I am good at making shelves, this grandiose sentiment often brings me to tears. We have recently moved house which opens up so many shelf based opportunities. I have even been blessed with enough space for a workshop, to make my shelves free from distraction. However, I have discovered that making shelves in 20 minute bursts is frustrating. I will get the timber and place it in my workshop. then tend to a child. I will place the tape measure on the timber. then tend to a child. I will mark the timber. then tend to a child. Rest assured the shelves are still not up and it has been 6 weeks since I started.
The Toilet: The toilet is a sacred place, a place where one must feel safe. It is the most private of spaces where one is at his or her most vulnerable. I also now count toilet breaks as "me time", which is why I find myself drinking so much prune juice and eating anything with sorbitol in it. Sadly even this space is now under threat as the mobile child can climb stairs, open unlocked doors and peep through a hole where a knot once resided. She does none of this in secret, she will shout and giggle all the while whilst I frantically find something to stuff in the knot hole, these efforts are futile as she just pokes the bung free with her nimble fingers and then feeds other things trough the hole. I have unwillingly created many games in this way.
Cooking: There was a time where cooking was an enjoyable task and eating was unbound by time constraints. Today cooking is a fragmented, hurried task made worse by the knowing that the food, although delicious, will be eaten with forceful haste second only to a foie gras goose. One pot recipes now rule the roost taking precedent over complex gastronomic courses. Variety has been superseded by a set list of known, quick, crowd pleasing dishes. On occasion we may try something new but instantly regret using the brain power to fathom the processes.
Eating Out: A couple dining out together pre-children is likely filled with conversation or silence as they individually update statuses exclaiming how brilliant a time they are having. They need not ever stand up unless they choose to do so. Include kids in this scenario and you will stand up to stop one mobile child from being mobile, or to sooth another immobile child from whatever the hell is up with him or her. In reality the couple will eat in stages, like a submariner hot bedding. One will eat, then the next will eat in a relay against the clock.
Television: No time to sit at length and binge watch box sets, parents cannot binge anything unless binge caring is a thing, which it's not. In between children's programming and bizarre YouTube videos that sing about 'daddies finger' I find myself stood up, immobile child in arms, swaying watching a film in stages with the subtitles on at 4am. 5 or 6 stages for a film generally, this is my down time and it is precious to me.
DIY: My other half tells me I am good at making shelves, this grandiose sentiment often brings me to tears. We have recently moved house which opens up so many shelf based opportunities. I have even been blessed with enough space for a workshop, to make my shelves free from distraction. However, I have discovered that making shelves in 20 minute bursts is frustrating. I will get the timber and place it in my workshop. then tend to a child. I will place the tape measure on the timber. then tend to a child. I will mark the timber. then tend to a child. Rest assured the shelves are still not up and it has been 6 weeks since I started.
The Toilet: The toilet is a sacred place, a place where one must feel safe. It is the most private of spaces where one is at his or her most vulnerable. I also now count toilet breaks as "me time", which is why I find myself drinking so much prune juice and eating anything with sorbitol in it. Sadly even this space is now under threat as the mobile child can climb stairs, open unlocked doors and peep through a hole where a knot once resided. She does none of this in secret, she will shout and giggle all the while whilst I frantically find something to stuff in the knot hole, these efforts are futile as she just pokes the bung free with her nimble fingers and then feeds other things trough the hole. I have unwillingly created many games in this way.
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