Overdue date

My partner and I are pensively awaiting the arrival of our second child, it's late therefore he’s immediately taking after his mother.  My minor role in the business has been like that of a personal assistant, acting as the arms and legs and attempting bringing comfort to a clearly very uncomfortable lady.  It is rather spectacularly cruel what a lady goes through whilst constructing a child from within as in most cases comfort is unobtainable.  At the beginning, before they even realise that they are pregnant, the body provides prompts.  Hangover symptoms are forced upon them without even having drunk any alcohol.  Most of these side effects people know about, even the most oblivious has an idea of what to expect where you or someone else is expecting.  It’s the things you don’t expect when you’re expecting, particularly when you're overdue, that are more interesting, and these will likely differ on a case by case basis.

Mobility is taken for granted, you and I can bend down and tie shoe laces.  A pregnant lady can but she may need help or funnier still, apparatus to get a shoe on.  Keep in mind too that they do this blindly, as the bump eclipses the shoe, a total midriff eclipse.  The arms and hands must approach the shoe in a pincer movement and tie blind hoping that the right shoe, or even matching shoe pair are fitted correctly.  The solution of which is generally to wear a shoe without a lace, wellies or cowboy boots have often been the foot covering of choice. 

Coats become useless or useful as capes.  Due to expansion, the usual coats that wrap around the body become less and less functional as coats and more and more functional as capes, exposing most of the front of the torso.  The purchasing of a new larger coat which becomes pointless can be procured. In our case the solution laid in layers.  Cardigans are swaddled around the body, with little care or need of continuity of style.  What matters here, as mentioned at the top is comfort.  Through warmth, comes comfort.

Sleeping is nigh impossible.  Imagine lying in bed, it’s nice isn’t it.  Now imagine lying in bed with your partner hopping on your stomach, wearing heals and when you turn over they jump off and kick you in your bladder.  The lady must rotate, staying in one position cannot be maintained for too long as certain joint pains will emerge, and with each turn the demolition and construction of the pillow based scaffolding must be modified providing much needed support.

I mention the bladder, you and I (men) can (dependant on age) control our need to urinate, it’s a male privilege we take for granted, like the standing up thing.  The pregnant must gamble and devise a strict ‘toilet proximity’ to ‘liquid ingestion’ ratio.  At any moment the unborn may decide to sit on the bladder like a plump student on a beanbag causing instantaneous expulsion of those waste liquids, this can also be caused through laughter, coughing, sneezing or just sitting still. 

What I’m getting at here is that women, to whom my partner is most certainly one of, are pretty incredible machines.  They physically battle for 9 months with their body swelling and contorting in unique, ever changing ways and the dude should be there, doing everything he can to keep her supported mentally and physically with pillows.  

Just a final note, just want to make it absolutely clear that my partner has never lost control of her bladder...