Land grab.

Owning a home comes with a great sense of pride and the journey to buying a home is a journey filled with dreams of grandeur.   At the beginning the bar is set ludicrously high.  The search criteria is not your own, but of a better version of yourself, the more successful version that doesn’t drink.  The budget is doubled and the search filters are checked; off street parking for the fleet, a walled, south facing Victorian garden, 5 double bedrooms, a character property with period features in a good location next to that outstanding school with great transport links.  “I don’t need a library, but an annex with development potential is a must!”

Within 30 minutes the search filter boxes get un-ticked, that £100k doesn’t stretch quite as far as you thought and compromises are made.  Before you sat, salivating over the homes of the 1%, drool cascading from your open mouth “look at the AGA”.  Now you gaze at ex council houses 2 miles away from the good end of town, 1950’s orange, soulless, brick built prefabs next to a yeast production facility.  You arrange a viewing with the agent. 

Driving to your prospective new home, the rose tinted glasses are donned “This doesn’t look that rough” at that moment mopeds zip past from both sides, the riders are shirtless and also potentially pantless.   Arriving at viewing early you eagerly get out the car, ensuring the vehicle is locked and all valuables are accounted for, you survey the neighbouring streets and perform an in depth analysis of the property in question.   You tentatively walk down the back alley to have a perverts peak at the garden before you legally enter, but you are confronted by another shirtless and disgruntled neighbour, no words are said but you leave hastily.  He already hates you. 

You knock on the door and after what seems like an eternity it opens “sorry, the door lock has a knack” the estate agent says.  Being shown around a house is a surreal experience, you are guided from rooms, and you definitely know there use but the agent must follow protocol and identify each room proceeded by a adjective, “cosy kitchen, large living diner, tidy bathroom” but you have your place, you must nod innately and agree until they let you loose to whisper your judgements to one another “why is there carpet in the bathroom?”


You leave the dwelling, compromises snapping together in your mind forming an offer under the asking price and beyond what you can afford.  In 6-8 short weeks you are in more debt than you have ever been, but you own a little bit of planet earth... unless you bought a flat, if you bought a flat you live in space.  

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